My three-year-old is a Daddy’s boy, and that comes with its own demands. There’s always a saying that sons are closer to their mums, and I was a typical example growing up, but I always promised myself to have my son close to me so that he could tell me everything. There were discussions I never had with my dad, and wished I had. Dad was wonderful, and I really love and miss him, I also wish that intimacy was better.
So I got involved in my son’s life from conception, I was there some nights talking with him as he kicked, I prayed for him, I taught him in the belly, and the day he came out, I carried him before others. I also learnt everything that he needed, so I could do them to him, all apart from breastfeeding, which I’m grateful not to be able to do.
I didn’t know this would come with great responsibility. Sometimes, the dude wouldn’t want mummy to bathe him, so I have to suspend other things and attend to him. Sometimes dude wouldn’t want mummy to put him to sleep, it has to be me, or I have to be close by and Rick his back as he sleeps off.
This particular night, when he was two, he was on my body as I worked and as it got close to his bedtime, he went to the room. His mum was already sleeping, so I thought it was going to be easy. I took him in, made sure he was okay, and went away. As I closed the door to the sitting room, he started crying. I forgot to tell you that my little man never wants the door to be closed against him, it’s one of his rules, never ever hinder him from getting access to his parent. Soon the cry was close to the door, and for some reason, I didn’t know then, I got furious and lost it.
Immediately I screamed, he kept quiet and just walked into the room, climbed the bed, hugged my wife, and cried. I came in, still fuming, and told him “he had no reason to run my life, that I didn’t want to sleep and he wanted it, so he should sleep without me.”
As I went back to where my furious self came from, I noticed my peace was gone. I turned a bit before going into the room, taking him to myself, and rocking him. He was already dozing off, but was merciful enough to follow me, hugged me, and rested on my chest in utter surrender, the way I’m proud sometimes to admit that I really love. He was already dozing off, but thankfully, he noticed those gestures and flicked his toes the way he would when butterflies flew in his stomach.
Ahh Thank God I made this right, I would not have slept well.
I had to start speaking good into his ears, rocking him, and praying. I learned that children need to have plenty of love in their subconscious, especially in their formative years. As much as you can control them, they don’t need bitter encounters, so the memories that will be ingrained in them would be lovely.
And when you do so, you’ll need a lot of love to erase such.
I then had a moment to ask myself what really happened. I wanted to know how I got there. Earlier on, I had frustrations with my online payment. My country leaders and their mismanagement led to a hard time paying for my hosting renewal and I had frustration built up in me.
On the other hand, the little man just wanted his daddy to put him to sleep, lead him to pray, and then rock his back as he slept off. But I wasn’t available, I didn’t even see it as being necessary since his mum was close by. But he needed me and not him. My frustrations got in the way of questioning why he would need me.
Was he wrong to want his daddy? No. Was he wrong to be fussy when I didn’t come? No. Was I right to shout at him for asking me to come? No, I wasn’t.
And here I am, writing this down, as a way to forgive myself and to also consolidate my lessons.
You see, we are humans, and despite our best intentions, we will screw up. Sometimes our screw-up can make such marks that last, so we should do all in our power to avoid screwing up. But when we ever do, we should take time to assess where we fell from, what made us fall, what led to it, and how we can avoid it next time.
For me, I allowed my frustrations caused by irresponsible leaders, to be taken out on my innocent son, who didn’t even know that his actions were not okay.
Children can be annoying, that’s true, but when we understand the development of children, it helps us a lot to make excuses for them. Most times, they are just trying to figure out life and emotions, and the only persons they can trust with how they feel, are the ones closest to them. I’ll talk about this later because it’s very important.
For now, I’ll advise, that nothing warrants shouting on your babies, especially the toddlers. It might make sense at the moment, but when you search deeper, you might see that you just made them suffer for what they didn’t do. That there’s something that got you in that state. If you receive an alert of some millions, especially when millions are a big deal to you, and your child throws a tantrum, do you think you’ll be mad? If not, then you’re likely doing those reactions out of a state of discomfort that wasn’t caused by him.
I just decided to work more on my fuse, to make it more lengthy, between impulse and my reaction.
We can be better for our children, and teach them from the way we react, the way they should react.
Thank you.
